Why do I have to please everyone?

The other day, my boss told me that one of my best qualities and one of my worst qualities is that I am so accommodating. He said it in a kidding manner, but he is right. I allow other people's concerns, priorities, and plans to override my mine. I do this both professionally and personally.

Logically, I know that I can't please everyone all the time. I know that it is impossible to try. I realize that it is psychologically unhealthy.

At work, this trait creates stress and increases my workload. I am constantly reacting to other's priorities, but I'm too stubborn or naive to reorder my priorities to accommodate. Personally, I allow myself to be hurt and feel rejected because I can't be everything to everyone. The real fun happens when work interferes with more than one area of my personal life at the same time.

For example, Monday I had to work late to complete something that was on a short deadline. My husband was trying to reach me on my cell phone (which I didn't answer because I wasn't working at my desk) because he left something in my car that he needed for class. And my parents were expecting me for dinner (of course they never invited me, they just assumed I was coming over because my husband his night class).

Husband: angry because I made him late for class because I didn't bring him the item he left in my car

Mother: angry because I didn't show up for dinner on time and didn't call

Boss: angry because he couldn't get in touch with me to confirm that I had completed the worked he needed done.

Me: bewildered, exhausted and teary from sheer frustration

Where can I buy the personality attachment that will let me tell my husband to grow up, my boss to plan ahead, and my parents to stop the damn guilt trips and to respect me as an adult?

There was another confrontation with my parents this morning over weekend plans. Logically, I know that they are being unreasonable and demanding, but emotionally I feel guilty and broken. Why do I feel this way? How do I break of out this pattern?

9-11

I remember very clearly where I was when I heard about the first plane hitting the World Trade Center on September 11, 2001. I was in the car driving to work. I was at the intersection of the Blackhorse Pike just before the Cardiff Circle. When I got to the office, I called Nick and told him to turn on the TV. A few minutes later, he called me and told me that a second plane hit the other tower. So many lives ended that day and so many lives were changed that day. I am fortunate not to have lost anyone in that day. 9/11 changed so much in my world.

I learned that life is fragile and change in dramatic ways with no warning. I learned to cherish those that are close to me because they may be gone tomorrow. Since that day, I end most conversations with my husband and my parents with the words, “I love you.” I learned that life is too short not to be happy. I learned that sometimes you just have to create a plan and take action because the perfect time may never arrive.

I saw examples of humanity’s infinite capacity to care and my heart was warmed. I also saw examples of humanity’s infinite capacity to hate and was chilled to the bone.

I’ve watched our Federal government react to 9/11 and I’ve been disappointed and ashamed for so many reasons: the deaths of our young people in a war that is unconscionable. I have seen our civil rights and protections eroded, which is bewildering to me.

One day, September 11, 2001 will just be a date that students have to memorize in history class.

An update for those that know me.

It's been a while since I have blogged. I typed this blog on Friday morning but my usual blog has been down all weekend. I decided that it is time to move on or to mirror my blog here. I read blogs daily, but lately I just don't have the time or attention span to actually compose an entry of my own.

Nick's summer classes went very well. He took a total of four classes in the summer and received (or will receive) an A in all of them. He needs to complete an observation in a school for of the summer classes, but as long as he actually does it, he will receive an A. If he doesn't do it at all, he will receive a B for the class. One of the classes he took was Diversity in Education, which I found very interesting and I will blog more in depth about that class/topic this weekend.

Nick's fall semester is proving to be tough for him. He is taking two science classes and both of them had prerequisites. Unfortunately, he took the prerequisite classes over 25 years and he is really struggling to recall the foundations and understand the new material. In addition, he is taking Spanish, which is new to him. I'm sure he will do fine once he gets himself on a study schedule.

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I am going to be getting a small windfall. Since money has been so tight the past 2 years, we haven't been making any charitable contributions at all. I do want to use some of that cash for charity. I can't decide whether to send small donations to several organizations or one or two substantial donations. What would you do?

The bulk of this lump sum will finally get the real estate taxes caught up. I also want to treat myself to something, do something for Nick and start shopping for the holidays.

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As I was leaving the house this morning, Nick was watching the TV news. I overheard the announcer segue to a commercial by saying, "Up next, a new device that will prevent you from leaving your infant in a hot car."

A brain is a new device?

Seriously, if you are stupid enough, self-centered enough to forget a child in your car; there is no gadget on the market that can help you.

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Our latest toy purchase was a Nintendo Wii gaming system. Nick and I are having a blast playing with it. I'm sure the novelty will wear off, but it is nice to have something that we both enjoy and something that keeps us off the couch. I'd never equate playing a Wii game to actual exercise, but at least it is better than sitting on the couch watching TV or playing a computer game.

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I need a weekend getaway soon.

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