The other day, my boss told me that one of my best qualities and one of my worst qualities is that I am so accommodating. He said it in a kidding manner, but he is right. I allow other people's concerns, priorities, and plans to override my mine. I do this both professionally and personally.
Logically, I know that I can't please everyone all the time. I know that it is impossible to try. I realize that it is psychologically unhealthy.
At work, this trait creates stress and increases my workload. I am constantly reacting to other's priorities, but I'm too stubborn or naive to reorder my priorities to accommodate. Personally, I allow myself to be hurt and feel rejected because I can't be everything to everyone. The real fun happens when work interferes with more than one area of my personal life at the same time.
For example, Monday I had to work late to complete something that was on a short deadline. My husband was trying to reach me on my cell phone (which I didn't answer because I wasn't working at my desk) because he left something in my car that he needed for class. And my parents were expecting me for dinner (of course they never invited me, they just assumed I was coming over because my husband his night class).
Husband: angry because I made him late for class because I didn't bring him the item he left in my car
Mother: angry because I didn't show up for dinner on time and didn't call
Boss: angry because he couldn't get in touch with me to confirm that I had completed the worked he needed done.
Me: bewildered, exhausted and teary from sheer frustration
Where can I buy the personality attachment that will let me tell my husband to grow up, my boss to plan ahead, and my parents to stop the damn guilt trips and to respect me as an adult?
There was another confrontation with my parents this morning over weekend plans. Logically, I know that they are being unreasonable and demanding, but emotionally I feel guilty and broken. Why do I feel this way? How do I break of out this pattern?
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